Well, shes famous, an alcoholic, hillarious, and has big boobs.... Pretty much my only aspirations in life.
He is in the front yard trying to catch birds out of the air with a fishing net.
Fastest blow job ever. Though it was probably a good thing since we were in front of my house.
Had a student tell me he misses the old Four Loko. He's in 7th grade. No one is allowed to claim I started drinking too young ever again.
I can only take thier stupid "I think beauty school is for me" routine so long until I have to bitch slap them with some knowledge
Some girl just walked passed me, said "fuck yeah!" and is now crawling up the stairs
I think it was clear she was setting us up when she brought me over to you and said "Present!"
When you say shenanigans does that mean I should bring birth control?
I just wish I had a snapshot of his attempted front flip off the bar. There are some things that are worth getting a life ban for, and the moment of impact with his foot and that lady's face was one of those things.
I mean jail does seem alright, all the free broth you can eat.
If I don't get to have sex with him soon my entire female reproductive system is gonna climb out of my body and choke me to death
If I win the lottery I'm going to hire someone to skywrite "FUCKTARD" over his house. That much anger.
I mean go ahead and let your freak flag fly but if you could not fly it in my bed that would be great
The end of the friendship was inevitable. I hooked up with her cousin and forgot to mention it to her
I'm the one who said we should take things slow. I'm also the one who forced him into the back on my car so we could have sex.
Randomize
