Omg. Budweiser tramp-stamp sighting @ Wal-mart. Best tattoo EVAR.
been sitting in chapter for 25 minutes. drinking last night's franzia out of a XXX vitamin water 10 bottle. recruitment chair has no idea. life is good.
this is no time to have dignity 4/20 is coming
I have eleven tally marks and an infinity sign drawn on my wrist in permanent marker. Senior bar crawl stole my liver.
We're gonna go drive around campus and throw water balloons at all the drunk bitches wobbling around, wanna come?
We interrupt your regularly scheduled Saturday morning programming with this important announcement: you are not the father. I repeat not the father. Congratulations and have a nice day.
You would ignore him even if it wasn't NoManUary. It could be the Winter of a Thousand Dicks and you wouldn't talk to that guy.
The Winter of A Thousand Dicks sounds terrifying!!!
I'm seeing how long I can hold this wine in my mouth. I have so many adventures! I'm like Teddy Ruxpin!
Don't ever give your dog some hamburger at midnight. Its impossible to enjoy a late night burger when your dog just threw it up all over your carpet. Gremlin rules work with dogs.
did the fire alarm go off at the party last night I kind of remember a fire alarm noise
omg omg i ripped it out of the ceiling omg
I quit life. I got pulled over on my way to work and they towed my car and dropped me off at work in a cop car
I am eating a king sized snickers in the strip club. Good morning.
Any sexual interaction is meaningless without pizza during half time.
I CAN'T FALL IN LOVE WITH SOMEONE WHO HAS A LISP. I JUST CAN'T.
Drinking at 10 in the morning and swimming might not be the best idea I've ever had but it beats working
Randomize
