don't look now, but that cross eyed girl is staring at you... and me.
You totally narrated your dogs thoughts for 2 and a half hours last night, and I was enthralled. I didn't say one word, I just listened.
Yea i traded my bed for half a bag of jimmy johns jalepno chips, am I proud of it no, Am I happy I did it? yes
just went trash diving in my work clothes for weed. A&E's intervention here i come.
I don't care what you say, cheap wine does NOT taste better in expensive crystal...
Just mindlessly walked into the mens bathroom. My vagina has now become its own independent being, looking for penises. I'm just along for the ride.
Packing up everything in the dorm. Silly bands to unused condom ratio is ridiculous.
They can't keep moving my court date back, i dont know if I'll survive another one of these going away to jail parties.
She peed in the limo. She stood up and pulled up her dress and peed on the floor of the limo.
The kid in the park, who was on a leash I might add, looked at us and yelled "stranger danger" before hiding behind his dad
She seriously pointed at the couch and asked me if she could "ride the talking giraffe". I'll never serve everclear again.
I may have been mad at the Supreme Court/patriarchy and tried to hate fuck myself.
I'm just now realizing I've slept with guys from three different decades over the past year. That's gotta be some sort of record.
he told me he wanted me to go see his cat. apparently i was more interested in playing with his cat then having sex.
its liver damage thursday
Randomize
