So that's a yes to the cocaine usage and a no to the rollerblading
dude, i think i am in a porno. I was working out at the hotel gym and some chick was doing yoga and a guy comes up and says "good, now i know your flexible" then they started making out. WTF?
When the cops come you probably shouldn't be poking cars with a stick.
you said you wanted to feel how much my penis weighed for educational purposes
There is a nerf war going on here. I just cleaned the blood out of the fridge
Let's play, "guess how long my Neighbours have been watching me dance naked".
I drank half a bottle of wine while watching the Olympics opening ceremonies. I catcalled at handsome athletes. Stop me.
I just want dates and sex but the option to have that with whoever whenever I want
Serious question: when you had my right nipple in your mouth, did my nipple ring have both of the balls on it, or was it missing one. Current situation: missing one.
He's doing his thing where I don't know if he's alive until three in the afternoon so idk
I'm shaved like a Brazilian hooker right now.
I have the flu.
I don't give a shit
I think I may have just taught my whole hall how to give a good blow job. So this is college.
I made out with drunk Joe Dirt and then put his mullet wig on for him. True Halloween romance.
Look I'm really hungover so let's try this again. In 5 mins you're gonna call me and tell me that you're on your way with xannies, iced coffee and a back rub
Apparently I called down to the hotel front desk and begged them to bring us pizza. They brought us tea.
Randomize
