His internet history had "Disney Porn" on it.
He introduced himself to me as "the gayest gay who ever gayed." I like him already.
Hold my feet while i lean out of the window of the truck.
Brought him brownies before taking his pants off. I'm like the Martha fucking Stewart of booty calls. Walk of shame be damned.
Didn't know what to wear so I ripped off my bed sheets and tied myself a toga. "a little hungover" is no way to describe me right now.
He kicked in the door just as I climbed on top of him...and stood there. I felt like I was in a porn. It was invigorating.
I think now I understand why people say my penis is pretty.
Playing nyquil pong with a cat again
I am pretty sure we beat baby seals over the head in a past life. That is why we are being punished.
you got in a fight with your imaginary friend last night when he didn't catch you after a surprise trust fall
I was so close to going to get my nipples pierced with my mom today
I described my life as a 7 layer cake of death
I was at a hookups house and peed in his sink so I wouldn't wake up his mom... drunk me is on a different level
So I forgot to ask, how was that bartender you slept with two weeks ago?
Google chlamydia.
this is the second night in a row i've fucked a guy i met on craigslist. and it wasn't even a post for sex. i posted a housing ad. A HOUSING AD
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