I've been thinking about all the girls in my life in terms of applying to college.
Huh?
I guess what im trying to say is that your my safety school.
I had a pretty decent weekend -- aside from dropping the baby on her head. That.. That I feel bad about.
I think I just broke my ankle. I've only had one beer. I'm getting drunk before I go to the ER so it's less embarassing.
went for icecream. accidentally deepthroated it. my mom gave me a dirty look, but the kid behind the counter looked impressed
Pre-game strategy: play thunder by yourself in the shower. Surprisingly, success.
You skyped me last night to show me the girl passed out on your bed.
Dont tell her I prefer to have an aura of mystique surronding me and my penis.
I know how to say Yes, No, and Your Mother's Vagina. So almost fluent.
Lets ignore the fact that you want to turn your dorm room into a sex dungeon and focus on the real issues here.
Its like a match made in avoid-eachother-because-we're-antisocial-and-awkward heaven
That awkward moment when the dude you blew on camera in college friend requests you on Facebook.
Who is this?!????
That awkward moment when you think you're texting a friend the above statement, but instead you text a stranger.
I got to her place and she was petting her cat and pounding vodka out of the bottle. She looked like Dr evil in yoga pants. She's nuttier than squirrell shit.
he has the ass of a greek god and he made me breakfast
I made out with a guy dressed as the pdx airport carpet.
Portlandia didn't prepare you for that?
There is a couple fucking in the outback bathroom and at first I thought it was sick but than I remembered my Outback fantasy with you and decided I can't pass judgements.
Randomize
