i fell asleep last night with fifteen animal crackers in my mouth. rock bottom dude.
I need a sticker that says "It's no use hitting on me - I'm the plus one" Seriously, how do they think I got in in the 1st place?
Whoa Z and x make the same sound
five shots of tequila, anal and 3 cigarettes. not my best idea on a saturday afternoon.
we need to stop having unprotected sex.
ya i know. we're like the secret life of the american whores.
You are just a treasure cave of fabulous alcoholic ideas.
We fucked in my basement while hiding from the cops.. And now his Facebook picture is him and others holding up there MIP's in front of my house.. I feel obligated to add him as a friend.
She had one unshaved part on her vagina that she called "the soul patch" I just didn't know what to think
We have a pile of chopped wood here that suggests we may have chopped down a tree of some sort.
I chugged that bitch with a dip in.
You somehow managed to be a man whilst drinking a Mike's Hard. I commend you.
And I might have stolen a bag of Doritos out of Matt's car and hid them in my bag and gave individual chips out to people dancing, trying to convince people they were mini tacos.. Like why Am I allowed to be an adult
Trying to put a fitted sheet on drunk is one of the boss levels of slutty adulthood.
And tan into my neighbor in the elevator. She was going to the gym. I was covered in mascara and dog hair eating a hash brown
Seriously bro? Indoor roman candle wars? I guess I'll never see that fucking security deposit again
"We drove to the deserted part of the parking lot, and that's where we blew each other. It was so romantic."
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