pwbgyin
what?
penguin condom
If penises could fly, my ass would totally be an airport.
having sex with you is like teaching a dog to tango, it DOESN'T work
he wanted me to put the condom on for him. I was high and couldn't figure it out.. so instead we played xbox.
My main thought on the Olympics: I need LESS cowbell.
Define 'illegal'. Your idea of it and my idea are in separate universes.
You said, "can you make out with him for a little bit, I need a break."
How can I explain how nice he is to you? ...like, I'm going to have to have my world famous why being a douche is sexy talk.
Lead with your genitals is the best advice I can give you.
if a girl cums in a dorm room and no one hears it did it really happen?
i asked him to talk to me in french while we fucked and halfway through i caught the word 'lasagna'. turns out he was making his grocery list.....i asked him to keep going.
He was watching porn and riding a stationary bike in the living room
He propositioned me for a threesome once so yeah I'd say he has what it takes to run for public office
I'd give anything to be driving a pirate ship wearing nothing but a coconut bra and a grass skirt eating a pizza and watching dolphins jump in the waves. Dreams ya gotta have dreams
Get your dick back in here. On Saturdays, you're not allowed to leave my bed unless it's to make me bacon or coffee.
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