do you think they make "congratulations unfit mother" greeting cards?
or abortion recommendation cards.
The crowing achievement of my life is still the time I made a 3 course meal out of things I found in the dumpster.
I don't think I can fit "I'm sorry for ruining Christmas" on one cake. Better make two.
went for icecream. accidentally deepthroated it. my mom gave me a dirty look, but the kid behind the counter looked impressed
You screamed at all of us and then showed us your sack. You're like the boyfriend of my dreams.
He said he got laid, but you and i both know he was too high to leave his house.
I showed that dick picture that your date texted you to everyone because you passed out and left your phone unattended. Your fault. Plus his cock was big so his fault too.
The same guy who pierced my nipples just told me he can help tutor me in precalc.
Nearly got hit by a blue bell ice cream truck. Can I count on you to make plenty of puns like "her life was sweet, and so was her death" at my funeral if that was to happen?
do i respond to the booty call for the guy with the bigger dick or the one who has the gourmet coffee i like so much? at this point i'm leading toward the coffee
I should never be allowed to dance around children at weddings. I think I just insured that a 4 year old will be a future teen mom.
you walked around drinking beer out of a plunger and telling people it was a goblet...
The appetizer at the dinner I went to tonight was Klonopin and a Bloody Mary.
I blasted the Halloween Before Christmas soundtrack last night so my roommate wouldn't hear me having sex. Needless to say the sex got a little weird.
Your youporn search history says otherwise.
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