you know you should just kill yourself when you are helping your 16 year-old sister get ready for a date and you're going out to dinner with you parents..
She's like Mona Lisa when she's intoxicated. No one understands her but they all think she's marvelous
its a saturday night. im home alone watching legally blonde, eating week old birthday cake and drinking milk out of the carton. so yeah im doing real well
I feel as if I owe my bloodstream some tequila.
After walking in on us in the living room, he still insisted that he slept in my bed with me afterwards.
I still don't know why you took that job... it sounds miserable
not having any beer money sounds even more miserable
Yea we slept in ur room but im 80% sure we didnt have any peanut butter in there
Double vision is so hot when a big dick is in sight. Thank you Bud Light.
Tid bit for you to add to your "what to expecting when you're expecting to lose your virginity" book... Sex on nyquil is cheaper and BETTER than sex on esctacy AND you sleep like a champ after so you're not able to think about any bad decisions made.
I got a lap dance from a guy last night dressed as a school girl. Heels and all. His heels got stuck in my fish nets
I am gathering blankets and bags of horse grain to pad my truck bed so I have a comfy place to crash when I get home, without the inconvenience of stairs. Or doors. Or walking. But with the refreshing scent of molasses.
You fed me pizza off a sword last night.
I want you to get your positive energy all over me. I want to to look like something from Ghostbusters.
A picture of a damn cupcake brought back 3 fuckboys
What the hell was that?
Genius. It was sheer genius.
Randomize
