there was a guy here who managed to get his head stuck in a fishbowl. no, I don't fuckin know how
Remember when we were trying to guess how many people could fit in my shower? The answer is 7
I just heard a guy scream "it must be five o' clock!!" and another guy screamed "somewhere!!!" out from different balconies.
I feel like I'm a marionette being lifted around. Four Loko.
She's grinding on a deaf black man and I'm the interpreter.
Oh my gosh they are following me around the bar
Blow your rape whistle
Apparently, I showed up wrapped in caution tape and immediately jumped on the stripper pole and started making very sexual gestures at the birthday girl. We lasted ten minutes.
It was like you were trying to communicate only you were using every letter of the alphabet but in no order and in a different language
I probably should have waited until after the game to pity fuck him. You know, seeing as we lost.
When you're not at your house I assumed you're somewhere having sex
Where the fuck are you? I just got punched in the nose by a tourist
I just realized my hands still smell like your cock. Which is awesome, but I wonder if the clerk at the store appreciated it.
I feel bad. I'm the reason hand sanitizer exists.
Is it normal, that tacos make me horny?
My life is over, I got a mugshot while wearing a shirt that said 'milf hunter'.
he went down on me and a few minutes later he asked to show me a magic trick. then he pulled a quarter out of my vagina
Randomize
