just drove past a church sign that said "jesus got 'er done" ... welcome to the south
i saw like six of her guido cousins in the jersey shore trailer alone. her family is having a dinner party for the premiere tonight.
Okay I'm all about any plan that ends with "We're gonna get you drunk."
Found my little brother jerking off with a condom. he said he was "practicing"
OMG its one we used last night
I don't know what happened to get you in this mentality. This time last year your were ass up on a hotel bathroom counter getting licked by a stranger.
there is no 'pace myself' on the blackout express
I just remembered how awesome your handjobs were in 7th grade, you were a true champ, thank you
Make sure you take the apple pie out of your pocket before you pass out.
You left me with no money to have random Chicago sex. The least you can do is pick me up an egg mcmuffin on your walk of shame back to the hotel.
Dude, I think someone on your skype account may have seen me beat off. I used your computer and didnt realize you were still signed in. Please tell me no one was on...
I liked a picture of him with his pants around his ankles, if that doesn't say I'm into you, I don't know what does.
I actually have to watch Breaking Bad to make me feel better about my choices last night.
Also send boobie pics with bobs burgers in background its the only way to get me off anymore
I ordered from the drive thru as i was peeing on the menu
I know you're having a really bad day and I'm a little to blame for that and I'm sorry. To make your day go better just try to imagine what people's fuck faces look like.
Randomize
