i may or may not have been spotted by tourists while getting head in the vicinity of the jefferson memorial
ps... at the end of one of the videos you yell "let's do the eiffel tower again.. i'll be in the middle!" .. i almost died lolol
Found a phone last night. Hope "daddy" gets picture messages
I told her the white crusty stuff on my boxers was frosting not cum. She seemed MORE grossed out then
Chicago was legit, ate some badass pizza and gave a cig to a crackhead..its all i thought it would be
I got drunk and smashed his tv with the keg and so he blames me for being evicted.
its preseason football. its like non alcoholic beer. who gives a fuck
Being drunk at the hospital is better than i expected. I got to hide and play in the little kids waiting area. Btw no one is hurt
You're the only person that can successfully use titties and Jesus in the same sentence.
I know it sucks but it's just something that needs to be done though. Like shaving ur pubes or going to the dentist.
My dad wants to dress like mitt Romney tomorrow night and tell trick or treaters they owe him candy.
his ex girlfriend sent him a pic of her naked in the bathtub so I sent her a pic of me sucking his dick
If u could sum last night up in one word?
omgwtfpineapple
I asked what it takes to be a good delivery driver, my new boss said "always keep these in your vehicle" as he handed me a flashlight and a blunt. I'm going to like this job.
Why did I wake up with a half-eaten burrito and a vaccuum cleaner in my bed? ...on top of me.
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