WE WERE REALLY IN A PORNO LAST NIGHT
I think vodka calistinics prior to and during beer olympics was a bad idea
He just bought a 100-pack of condoms of Amazon. My vagina is already tired.
so i walk in and shes blowing her vag with a hair dryer. so i asked what she was doing, she said heating up supper.. come eat ;)
i'm so jealous of you right now.
Pretty sure that Albanian broad gave me something last night. Now we play the waiting game.
No its cool, because I bought a handle of tequila earlier, in case things went south
Driving by his house every hour is not stalking, it's a reconnaissance mission... How else can I confront him
Yeah! I was just fired because there was an over hire and the new girl is hotter than me. Seeing as how the new girl is my baby sister I think punching my manager is excusable.
I was ok with it until you started yelling " just the tip!" I know she's you gf but don't backseat drive the three-way.
My mom just called hysterical. She and her sister found my dead grandma's vibrator.
The apple don't fall far from that tree.
making my breakfast out of the pot brownies we made last night. Safe to say it's time to go grocery shopping.
Currently having to re-watch episodes of Lost that I've only partially seen because you distracted me with your vagina
I will 100% jerk off using my own tears as lube before I'd ever bang a 4.
My bed smells like the plague
What's the blow job-backrub exchange rate these days? I've got some killer stress knots
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