I smelled like jager and penis. The only cure was a pack of camels and plan b.
Can I have the boy from 16 and pregnant's next baby???
you left your shoes but remembered to take your vodka. i see where your priorities are.
Homeless guy on the metro is drinking beer out of a coke bottle. Hello friend.
Sometimes one must go to great lengths and make great sacrifices to get drunk. I willingly accept the challenge.
i decided what we are doing for your 21st b-day: camelbacks filled with margaritas
The van in front of me contains people having SEX. I am in full view of a SEX VAN.
She walked home carrying a six pack of beer and someone elses cat
SHE BETTER HAVE BROUGHT BACK MY FUCKING COUCH CUSIONS OR SHES GUNNA GET IT.
FYI your bra is now hanging in the hallway as a trophy.
My brother slept till 4, bought a sword, got drunk and sharpened said sword. I went to corporate compliance training. Life is not fair.
We were licking ciroc off the poker table
We were fucking and his phone rang and it was his grandma. He just had a conversation with his grandma while fucking me from behind. Then his dad called and asked him what he wanted from taco bell.
Just got a Lifeproof case for Christmas so hold on and tell me how my shower nudes look
I'm like a freaking volcano of life and sexual frustrations
Had a slight melanoma scare this morning. Spoiler alert, it was Nutella.
Randomize
