Got some. In a truck. I will just pee you in the morning i guess?
You were so drunk last night you thought you force pushed the automatic door open.
Can we just schedule bi-weekly fucks and bypass all the bullshit?
I woke up to a paper award certificate for best blow job and he was gone. You're welcome mystey man.
There are no words to adequately express my gratitude for sending me porn you found staring a former classmate.
Just because it's been in my vagina doesn't mean it's important to me
She kept telling people I wrecked her brain. That high.
I can't answer my phone I'm at work
I slept with a male stripper last night. Priorities
He turned me into a screamer. Guess I'm really not a lesbian.
i just looked at those "hey" messages and i was so confused and then i remembered we were practicing texting with our tongues.
His new girl is probably classy and boring. I bet she doesn't feed him sour patch kids while she wiggles his weiner.
Yes, you can go into Petsmart drunk but the cats awaiting adoption don't appreciate the soft pretzels squeezed through their cages.
No? The only contact I've had with him for months was when I drunk texted him from Costa Rica to say that all jazz sounds the same
Get over your kidney infection all ready. You have been sober for too long.
They tried to get you to drink water and all you kept shouting was, "NO MORE LIQUIDS OF *ANY* KIND."
Randomize
