I feel odd... a had sex with a chick and she keept her socks on...
I'm sitting next to this guy at the bar. I wrote him a little song in my head it goes "there is no fucking chance you're getting in my pants" gonna sing it to him after he buys me another drink.
He asked me to sit on his face, but i didnt, for 2 reasons, one, i had just pooped like 20 mins before sex, and two, this could be my future husband. so i skipped on sitting.
I think drunk me is telling hungover me something... I just have to crack the code.
I could give you a full detailed description of 75% of the penises in that room
we turned dreidel into a drinking game. i kept landing on gimel. im glad we have 7 more nights of this
i just overheard someone saying that they invented the 'tequila mockingbird' last night. sorry, but i found better friends
We fucked so hard that when I orgasmed I tore his towel rack off the wall. He was more impressed than mad.
You were cuddling with an eight iron and I was eating a fajita completely ignoring your presence.
Not at all! I'll let your potential employer know you have a huge dick
Remember when we used to smoke out of an apple at the playground? Those were some precious moments
I had sex in the tube at that same playground once. That park is full of memories.
Congratulations on giving me my first and second hickeys last night. I made it almost 30 years without one, but who needs class these days?
I'd give my right arm to start my period. My right arm. Thats more significant then my left.
couldn't remember his name. introduced him as 'mr multiple orgasms'
Do plants get herpes?
who is this
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