Every time I hang out with your gay friend, I have to make a checklist of words to look up when I get home. First Google of the night? "Power bottom."
How is it that lesbians won't hit on me at a gay club, but they'll hit on me every time I go to Walmart?
Um, yeah. You lit my birthday candles with a joint. Mom= not happy.
thanks for showing me a good time......and your penis a few times. Thanks especially for that.
Guy next to me is looking up how to press his own ecstasy pills. I'm going to befriend him and see where this goes
I never want to hear the words unlimited shots for boobs in the same sentence ever again.
We were fucking at break-dick speeds.
I broke my arm trying to do a hand stand in my shower to wash the hate out of my asshole.
Had a dream I beat up niall then madeout with him while snorting coke out of a dragons egg
I was like can I please fuck your hips back into realignment
I recently had a rabies scare because I thought putting socks on my hands to pick up a squirrel that got in my house was a good idea.
I'd like to buy a season pass to your dick please.
We never leave a bad bitch behind. its a party foul..we'll find you somehow
If sex isn’t mentioned at least three times at the dinner table, I’m not interested...
I need a significant other who'll eat Skittles from my boobs
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