Do you think the new Crest Whitestrips Advance Seal would stay on while I give him head? It would be great to knock out 2 things at once...
I apparently took a 45 minute shower, and became best friends with his mom.
Just saw the hottest 4 garbage men ever. They should make a calendar
We thought you were crowd-surfing until we realized it was the bouncers throwing you out
some chick tossed a drink in your face at the bar last night. your mouth was opened so i think you ended up swallowing at least half of it. good job.
My cab driver just started a conversation with "Three years ago I pleaded guilty..." Check on me later tonight please.
Well once I told her I had a girlfriend she actually got more aggressive. Then Danielle called me and she saw the pic of the two of us on my phone and immediately said "can my caller I'd pic be me sitting on your face" wtf?
HOW MANY BOYS NOT ONLY APPROVE OF YOUR PLAN TO BECOME POCAHONTAS, BUT WANT TO MAKE SURE YOU DO IT RIGHT? One, the answer is one, and he is the best and if anyone ever tries to steal him I can assure you they will never be heard from again
the amount of times i have been intoxicated, barefoot, and in a robe at 3 am at the quick check by your house is impressive, especially since i live an hour away
Same I threw up in 3 different cities already today
It's gonna be like a sexual version of A Christmas Carol in my house in a few days.
I couldn't find my hair brush so I just brushed my hair with a cat brush. I should not be dating.
I would steal a car if I knew it had wheat thins in it
is it necessary to steal the whole car?
I have no idea what happened last night but I sobered up whilst showering with a mop.
Just confirming I will be washing my asshole at your house at approximately 2:45 tomorrow afternoon.
The strangest confirmation message ever sent.
Randomize
