Sometimes when I whip my dick out it looks REAL impressive. This, was NOT one of those times.
she pooed on me. she actually pooed on me.
And I wrote a rap so it was actually a productive afternoon minus not paying our bills.
we were making out and he got up to change his pants. I wonder what would happen if i took my shirt off.
I like daylight savings. I don't care if it's 4 oclock it's not daydrinking if it's dark out
seek help.
I can't believe you just thanked me for a blowjob on my Facebook wall...
He's hungover and at the neighbour's garage sale negotiating a price for a tuba.
thing about being the result of a teen pregnancy is that all my baby pictures are of my mom and dad holding me around their stoned college friends.
We were running down las vegas boulevard at 8:30 am with our beers cause we were late for our flight
I told you he wasn't attractive.
Do you think I cared? I was wiping myself with a scarf..
Your choices in alcohol this weekend are thoroughly disappointing
Vibrator fell off the top of the dresser and hit me. This might be the most embarrassing black eye incident ever
Her new crush is a 6'2" guacamole baron that may also be a Jedi.
whose shirt was i wearing?
his little sister's
what was she wearing
a feather boa and 6 inch heels
He stopped the gas pump at 69 and gave me my receipt. He wants it.
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