She is totes cute on her twitter. Which totally sounds like a euphemism for coot.
I have a dream, to one day wake up next to a girl, walk to the washroom and kick her kids toys out of the way. That day has come, yes we can.
I've slept with so many tools that you'd think my pussy was Home Depot.
im sitting at a bagel shop wearing a princess crown hungover and have a sweater that is not mine.
Weirdest conversation with my dad. He just told me he didn't shave his pubes.
This martini tastes like the bartender stirred it with his foreskin.
I wish the holidays was like a drive thru. Get in. Get your presents. Get out.
it was like fucking with batman, he had gadgets i never even imagined
can you call in chlamydia to work? like if the antibiotics they gave you for it are giving you the shits...
Why is there not a 'day after acid' genre. Or even a pandora station or something.
So when you said you wanted to make a clay replica of my boobs and hang it above your bed you actually meant it?
Just started taking liver support pills. Welcome to Senior year.
2nd fun fact: he has a square tan line around his dick.
Do you have a moment to talk about our lord and savior, Kendra's boobs?
I would rather her be sleeping with someone new than getting to go Harry Potter world before me...
Randomize
