It looked like if robin williams had a vagina
what was i supposed to do!? wake up and actually ask her name??
Ran into him today. He apologized via facebook. sometimes I hate our generation
I didn't sleep with her. I'm boycotting arizona and she's from phoenix.
So the coke mirror was perfectly angeled at my face right when i woke up this morning. I now know how I'd look on intervention.
Just found a "how to get laid" book on the dresser and am now a victim of method number 16 corollary 7.
i swear to god even though i took those meds before coming here i did not hallucinate zulema silently throwing up into a breakfast burrito
At least the cops kept you away from sleeping with her. Protect and Serve.
I knew it was a good Wednesday night when I woke up tucked in to NOT my own bed with my beer helmet, an empty bottle of Jose, and a trash can placed in front of my face.. Happy 20th!
I got a snap of someone jumping off a light pole. Was that you? Please confirm or deny. #onWisconsin
Yeah you're weird. You once told me you would by me a house in the middle of sex. Like as you were thrusting.
i just used a selfie stick to take an ass pic. i hate myself.
THERE IS A MOTHERFUCKING HUMMINGBIRD FLYING AROUND IN OUR HOUSE RIGHT NOW HOW DO I GET IT OUT????
When your grandma invites you to a sweet girls' Valentine's dinner with your mom and sister, but you have to decline because you're trying to get two dudes to rail you at once...
You showed up at 4 am holding a beer and wearing a wig you apparently found in the dumpster.
That explains some things...
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