I didn't shave. On purpose
i just had sex bonerless
direct quote: "i'm so over my clit" either best or most awkward conversation possible with your COUSIN
Why do I feel like I used to feel when I almost got caught looking at porn when I get caught looking at facebook at work
Why am I drunk on a roof painting at 11 in the morning
Its officially tradition: I black out every year on michael jackson's death day..
He did a line, told me my hair looked pretty against the background of the clouds, and then we fucked. Good afternoon
My professor complimented me on the well drawn penis on my face then asked if I would like a seat closer to the garbage can.
Nothing says 'good morning' like waking up only to realize this chick was watching you sleep. She's crazy
bleeding from the face, sitting in a shopping cart and holding a wad of ripped caution tape. what else would i be doing?
Omg I just met another drunk guy that is teaching me karate
My Bio teacher gave me extra marks for putting "deer with AK-47 seeking retribution" at the top of the food chain on my exam. 51% pass here i come!!
Then that means he's outwardly conservative. Inwardly he's a total gay horndog. He's like a spy that can ruin conservative plans.
I want to change all my life goals to that.
Look, the coffee machine died a noble death. It was the way it would have wanted to go. It was a mercy exploding, really.
I was eating leftover taco bell in bed at 3 in the afternoon. I can't throw any stones
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