Just saw actual Chinese people doing a Chinese firedrill. Good day.
Exactly how deep of a burn should you have when you pee before becoming legitimately concerned?
I am so high I am beginning to unironically like Vanessa Carlton.
you didnt know i had herpes?
Can you still call it a wet dream if sandwiches were involved?
there is potential here for me to have a consistent access to someone's dick who isn't actually an asshole. i think i'm ready for a relationship.
2 rounds of irish car bombs have already been taken to your 5 year sober anniversary
Dad just showed up on someone else's golf cart, filled an ice chest with booze and left while yelling "SHINANIGANS!!!!" this is going no where fast.
BTW my friend remembers her as "the one with the pronounced chin"
Jelly. This is your "are you still alive" text. Any response will do.
Hey I found a cat!
He said that he doesn't like skittles. This relationship is over an it hasn't even started yet.
I didn't see her "bad karma" tattoo until after I was balls deep
Did I tell you about my dream that I got handed a $100 and my vagina dissolved it? I think it wants me to not be a whore anymore.
i'm not too sure if he's up to my expectations looks-wise, but in the penis department he exceeds ALL regulations.
you tried to strip tease your way into canada but got arrested instead. don't worry, your mom doesn't know.
Randomize
