I got chris browned last night
Beach body diet is off. Pizza hut worked its way back onto my google chrome top 8
You two were too busy to notice that his used condom landed on me when he threw it.. Thanks.
I was just referred to as 'the margarita slut' by an 11 year old.
Her directions to the house party: "the north star will guide you, turn left. I'm wearing the potato hat"
I came home ate all of my roomates poptarts and then vommited on her duvet cover. I don't think today is the day to suggest the whole "sex instead of rent money" idea
I told him the truth. Truth leads to vodka. Vodka leads to tequila. Tequila leads to prison.
That basically sounds like the worst party of my life, and I'm including my brother's World of Warcraft themed birthday party.
You might have been able to redeem yourself had you not referred to grandma as "this bitch".
That explains the hand print on my face. That old lady knows how to throw a punch.
Well if your hearts not big enough, your penis certainly is. Just have a threesome
So I just saw someone get shoved into a car trunk by your car.
Just spilled beer all over my bed. Should cut myself off, but instead I just took my shirt off and used it as a towel.
All my friends are getting married and I'm pole dancing in a tattoo shop. I don't know how I feel about this.
They spent thousands on one day. You made $76 in 30 minutes. You should feel great about that.
Should I give the penis ring toss game to good will or garbage
When you're as high as I am right now brushing your teeth is both magical and fucking terrifying
Randomize
