Glad I put on jeans. You could measure my ass sweat with a rain guage.
Wydf in so deruk i just dowwned a packet if salt waitibg for food at del taco
You've eaten a Lean Pocket for every meal for at LEAST 3 days now. Get your life in line.
Chugged a beer while being walked to the bathroom by campus police to pour the beers out.
The cab driver doesn't know where we can find an empire state building shaped dildo either!? What is wrong with NYC!?
the campus cop used the word depravity in our citation.
Peed in a sink tonight. That drunk. I'm not proud of myself for what I did. But to carry it out with such class. I should be awarded
Ran into his mom at the bar, i told her "i know he's married now but I'd still do him"
You were running around yelling "BUKAKE!" and squirting people with a shampoo bottle you found. Total shitshow.
I know I've wanted to fuck him for the past month, but when you're that hungover, the only chemistry you have is with a pillow and a gallon of water.
If you don't wanna wax my ass just say so.
If you ever feel goofy just think of the fact that I just shaved the batman symbol into my pubes
Is there something wrong with us? Seriously.
Possibly, but I'd rather not fix it.
I've been sober for almost two weeks and it's been the worst two weeks ever. Even my mom told me I need to start drinking again.
Never thought I'd see the day when I got assless chaps in the mail, and yet here we are...
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