Your mom is more observant then Randy Newman.
She has 2500 facebook friends. I probably should have used a condom.
Oh my god. Oh my god. Oh my god. I drunk emailed a professor on friday. Oh my god. Oh my god.
I understand. Hypothetically what should one do after throwing up in the shower?
I think I need to stop sleeping with him. Sex with him is just a reminder of the mediocrity of the rest of my life.
I feel like ass. I'm missing 12 hours of my life and all I have to show for it is an empty wendys bag. Those Shrooms were too much... When do we do it again?
Because it was 5am and I had a shitty mixed drink and I was threatening to put my balls in your face.
Not the worst first impression I've experienced.
Just threw up in front of the Boy Scouts on my base. Welcome to the Navy kids.
I was just like oh sorry I'm peeling meanwhile my legs are on either side of his head and I look like a fucking Komodo dragon
So I may have to sleep with a cougar to get a slightly used, yet free microwave. I'm going in
I'm 2 seconds away from smashing the bottle and drinking it off the counter with a straw.
If I ever drink whiskey again make sure I don't eat the plastic cups that I'm drinking them from.
He put a doughnut around his dick and I ate it. What can I say. It was a good fucking night.
I just made myself orgasm twice and Laura lee hit 4 million subscribers. It’s a good day everywhere
He gave me an ambien and I woke up with a raw chicken bone in my purse. I have no idea why but I hope I put it in his butt
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