some dude just recognized me causeg he had a pic of us making out onvhis phone
btw.sex in the wood isnt as romantic as it seems.heels kept sinking in the dirt and pine needles were sticking to the fishnets
i wish i had your life
just took batteries out of my vibrator to play wii guitar hero. think i am gonna regret that move later tonight.
I just found your credit card inside the bag of chips
My landlord wasn't pleased about the new fire pit we built him.
Instead of just putting in it he asked "will you do the honors?" it was the cutest thing I had ever heard before sex.
I don't care if he acts like a don't exist 6 days a week. On the 7th day he makes makes my vagina cry. In a good way. Jesus understands.
I returned the dress. When they asked for the reason for return I said, 'I don't deserve to wear white'.
The extent of my physical activity is running from the cops.
asked the girl next to us on line to take a picture of us and she shared her bacardi. i love white people.
In case you're keeping score at home, this is Brad's SECOND Doritos-related trip to the ER.
It's no longer hooking up, we have definitely graduated to Sport Fucking....
First night of sleeping in the same bed, and she farted on me. I immediately excused myself and went home. Don't know if we're still together. Will update you.
like, you weren't just lying there, you were wrapped in what appeared to be the skin of a wolf, chanting doomsday prophecies
THE END IS NEIGH
We've been taking shots, cranking Marilyn Manson, and eating your bacon. Your kid is probably ruined.
Randomize
