He told me i was the nicest person he's ever arrested for DUI
I wish i could go to google and type in drug dealers and it would bring up a number, a product and direction
you kept naming everything at the party...like "boy i'm going to make out with" and "table i'm going to dance on later"
I like when I have the chance to say normal things like 'I know her from college' vs 'I did a ton of blow with her one night at Studio B.'
Also managed to rip my pants and set myself on fire. And oddly enough I'm still not ready to ask for 2010 back.
Just sneezed out a half gram of coke into a tissue. Four hours after the fact. The bender continues.
It's official. The summoning powers of my vagina are unmatched by anything in this world.
Dude, she's the greatest salesman alive. she convinced chelsea to buy a box of Cheerios for $20. She can find your dick some willing pussy.
I apologized to him for my lack of boobs after he felt me up
My mom is currently out with her lesbian friends and I'm home alone drunk listening to the Les Miserables soundtrack. WHY DO I FEEL THE NEED TO COMPETE WITH HER?
I just got high off one hit and the. Spent 20 minutes inspecting the gasket of our refridgerator and researching ways to replace it
That tampon felt like a stick in my vagina, I am never making a drunken tampon choice again. Friends don't let friends choose tampons drunk.
You got stoned and bought $300 worth of pudding. Again! Why do YOU think she left you?
I'm still not sure how to feel about the fact that we had a threesome with a guy the same age as my dad
You walked in on us hooking up, hugged me, high fived him and unhooked my bra.. You claimed to be helping
Randomize
