yeah. then i thought it would be a good idea to show them how hairy my armpits were, so they'd be distracted from the bush in my pants. EPIC FAIL.
Ill bet we could have atleast fucked a girl who fucked a guy who has fucked tara reid. That's a famous circle right?
oh my god, there is an imprint from the nuva ring in the christmas card my mom sent me. merry christmas.
That was a $3000 rug we rolled him down the hill in.
he just asked me for a tag team. like at least let me get changed out of your roommates clothes from last night first...
Oh I already celebrated valentine's day. I stayed up until 4 AM listening to biggie, drinking rum, and caressing all my girl curves in front of the mirror. And then I came 3 times.
Listen. You seriously only live once... there aren't that many cinco de mayos left until someone knocks u up and u have to have a shotgun wedding. Man up.
I needed to do something spontaneous, and since no one had coke this was the next best thing.
Well we're either getting a bunny or I'm getting you pregnant in about 12 days.
I think I need to expose myself to your dog so he knows that I am also a male.
Cause I'll toss Tabasco sauce in his eyes and yell "Cobra attack" and walk away
I don't know if I want to fuck him or punch him in the face.
Taking dicks and breaking hearts, no better life
I crawled to the bathroom this morning there were cornpops scattered on the floor? What was I doing last night?
i just called dibs on the taxi driver at the bar that isnt drinking. im a grown up
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