you used to get mad at me for mentioning 'unprotected sex' and happenings in my bed
well yeah, but then i realized the wisdom of your ways.
if you were to get worldwide popularity from playing guitar with a plastic yellow bat while drunk on YouTube, would you hate me?
Yea. But u kept saying "as long as she doesn't have aids" so I was concerned
So currently I have a block of cheese duct taped to my air conditioner in lieu of a fridge.
You passed out across the stairs with your feet and arms through the railings so you "wouldn't fall down when you blacked out and no one could get the pizza past you without waking you up". \n\nYou're the smartest drunk I know.
Um, so I couldn't say it in person, but if you find my underwear in your office. Sorry. I couldn't find them, so yea.
Why does She think it's her duty to welcome in freshman through the welcome mat that is her vagina
I wish I could like. Pull my liver out, and put it in the corner of a boxing ring, put a towel and ice on it, rub it's shoulders, and tell it to "get back in there, you got this!".
Triple a is towing cars for free tonight and tomorrow night. Can we take advantage of this ?
You insisted on going outside so you could "breathe real air".
When my parents ask if I met any nice guys in California, I'm going to answer, "No, but I have gone home with alot of nice girls". Too much, too soon?
We're taking a shot every time Landon Donovan takes a shot. It's clever, sort of.
this is an emotional support booty call
Drink water, eat food, and stop tazing yourself
Yeah, but i got vodka and bacon out of it, so it's fine.
Randomize
