I was hooking up with him in my car, he wouldn't stop with my nipples, I had to literally beat him off of me. He kept groaning too while he was doing it. Sick.
Mommy issues
if there is a rhyme for it it must be true
i have some very unhappy turtles in my backseat
you left a note on your car that said " please dont tow, im to drunk to drive. safety first!"
Somebody left a mini pitcher in the bathroom. Think its safe?
Whoever decided it was a good idea to sell 40's at a bar with life-sized jenga deserves a nobel prize.
will barter weed for kareoke machine...
You are very nonchalant about the high probability of us having an orgy.
Eh, I'm ok with this, this can work. We're the best kind of the worst people.
Just FYI, I'm breaking up with my boyfriend tonight and you need to be on call to be my first rebound bang
There are 144 bottles of wine in my mother's pantry. She just shrugged her shoulders and said it was for the wine pong tournament on Christmas Day.
I KNEW IT. I HAD A FEELING. THIS IS GODS CURSE. BREAK UP WITH A SEX GOD. GET ONE OF HIS PEASANTS.
My body is telling me there was tequila. My pictures say it was Jeff's fault
Idk how I even got accepted into college because literally the only things my brain ever thinks about are YouTube videos of baby animals and sex.
I'm fucking camped out by the bathrooms. I think the poopatrator is in there. Wtf is my life
Almost an end to the saga.
Vulcans are sexy now IT HAS BEEN WAY TOO LONG SINCE I'VE GOTTEN LAID
Randomize
