u know ur in oregon when the cop tells u to keep the beer cans he made u pour out so u can recycle them
At a straight bar and poker face just came on...must...resist....urge to gay it up
Why would that come on at a straight bar? I thought they just played Don't Stop Believin and Wonderwall on repeat
I saw him on the jumbotron, its like god doesnt want me to forget his tiny penis
hey im home...im not sure how this mcdonalds got here but whatever im gonna eat it anyway.
He just kept yelling "body massage machine go" at random intervals throughout the night
I was more concerned about the amount of mcdonalds fries on the floor around me than i was with my lack of clothes.
The port-a-pottys are knocked over so I have nowhere to sleep.
I'm pretty sure every guy I've been with this weekend has made a solid attempt at getting me pregnant...
The amount of precision it takes to urinate into a 2 liter bottle while hammered is undeniably difficult.
I bruised my dick hopping over that fence last night
Pretty sure the guy I hooked up with Saturday gave me a buy one get one free coupon for chipotle. Who said nice guys don't exist?
driving home hungover today was like a life test..it was like the goblet of fire
I don't know man. She said my cock made her promises my heart couldn't fulfill.
Then you guys just all showered together...?
I don't think you understand I turned down McDonalds for you.
Randomize
