Shit chicky whatchu wearin rt now, ur skins?
Oh dear, kinda... in ur sweats!
U look good, r we getting naked in ur car?
it's not the walk of shame if you do it in cowboy boots.
Tell me why I go to the dollar store for nail polish remover and a ghetto black dude trys to hit on me in the parking lot, then he gets in line behind me with a dousche bag literally and that is his only purchase.
Who did Billy Mays play for?
If the EMT's ask later... I had 5 hour energy for breakfast and Four Loko for dinner... It might be important for them to know that
This milkshake tastes better than sex. Priorities, I have them.
Why is your name on a gluestick in a plastic baggy stuck to my door?
WHY DOES HE HAVE TO CALL WHEN I'M MASTURBATING?! This time I'm really pissed. It's like he knows he's depriving me of orgasms.
There's a bus with a band full of dancing women in bras. I think I like it here.
I'd apply for another job, but "staring out windows crying" is not a hot qualification right now.
Okay so, sorry but last night we had to put a note on your chest and a key around your neck just so you would make it home.
Just had hot animal sex with the guy who had been sending me 10 second selfie snapchats for the past month
I didn't want to hook up with him so I just jumped out of bed, yelled "I don't even believe in god!" and ran out of the room
roommate singing save a horse ride a cowboy wearing a cowboy hat a bikini and jeans while humping the couch.
Are you telling me right now that the weed man sexted you?
THE WEED MAN SEXTED ME!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
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