:( I miss blowjobs.
This is probably the strangest conversational segue we've ever had.
I just rolled a joint with a page from On The Road by Kerouac. I have never felt like more of a hipster.
So you actually don't remember giving head to the Neil Armstrong statue last night?
my roomates packed me a lunch. it had bread, cheesewiz, a can of refried beans and a condom with a note that said "good luck on your first day". im not even gonna pretend to be mad.
I meant to tell you earlier: bad life decision saturday has been moved wednesday this week
Apparently I took one a huge picture off the wall at the bar and was walking around dancing with it..
You leave me no choice. Your vagina is grounded. It can just sit there and think about what it's done.
Okay. thanks for sacraficing your body and risking aids for our snowcone business.
Matt just ate a burger out of the trash can in front of the McDonalds. We need to have a serious talk about his drinking.
We couldve played the bring a random boy to lunch game but i made him go home
He bought you footie pajamas. Shit's pretty serious.
You asked to borrow my glasses for a moment. Then you whipped them at someone's head.
all I remember is grinding on everyone in the room regardless of gender and quoting the lion king non-stop. We need to stop buying Jameson.
I got a pots and pans set and a vibrator. Merry Crisis.
I just racked up a fucking ginormous hospital bill because I came so hard I had an asthma attack
Randomize
