She thinks she is all that and a bag of skittles but I'm definitely not tasting the rainbow...
my mom took me to a gay bar and went on and on about all her good times at clubs... i now know where i get it
Bathrooms are cool, I think Im just gonna hang out here for a bit.
No amount of marijuana is enough to justify blood on my ceiling
some drunk bitch driving a golf cart ran over the live band... its bad.
this is getting really bad. i thought the chandelier in the dining room was one of those claws from the claw games in an arcade and i spent the past five minutes jumping left to right so the claw wouldn't grab me
I JUST DEFLATED MY BOOB.
I DON'T KNOW WHETHER TO LAUGH OR CALL AN AMBULANCE.
You were sitting in the middle of the floor spewing vodka at people proclaiming "I a whale". That drunk.
By cross-referencing our messages & her Twitter feed, I've deduced that she was eating spaghetti the whole time we were sexting.
First encounter with a mirco peen. I was confused when he said he doesnt go down on girls. Cmon dude, practice on a peach.
well, mom whipped her new boobs out at the dining room table. So yeah you could say we had a pretty casual thanksgiving
She gave me a roadie as we drove home from fireworks. People were still lighting off their displays as we drove by. I love America.
he told me that I'm basically going to be the mom of the house when they move in...i like to see it as being a MILF without the responsibility of real children
I'll give you another blowjob if you bring me some cake.
I made the antidote to the nasty cognac. I AM THE GOD OF MIXED DRINKS.
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