I just found out how hard it is to put together a fake Christmas tree with a hangover.
Technically this isn't a church so we could have been drinking this whole time.
i'm glad we've gotten to the point in our relationship where I can eat peach rings off your penis.
You think they'd ask my permission before turning Pajamarama into an orgy. I saw too many of my friends dicks at once the door got kicked down.
Cock is NEVER random. You may quote me on that.
when you greet her, try not to lead with "this night will end with you on top of me". first impressions, bro.
dont iron anything. we fucked on the ironing board. details to follow.
Probably not well advised, but you're welcome to stop by if your not ready to end your night. You know, for Thanksgiving's sake.
Nothing like snapchatring dick pics to a\nMarried woman while your girlfriend destroys Taco Bell in the next room. Almost caught, worth it. Got boobs back
And then my night got REAL pukey
oh. oh my god. i just had lunch with my mom with semen still on my face.
I just set my acrylic nail on fire while trying to light my blunt
I would just like to point out that a bandaid led to sex. The lesson here is always have a bandaid in your wallet.
I'm trying to get weird tonight. Like I want to see bitches crawling on all fours drinking milk from bowls and shit by 5 am. You down?
Good News: There was a condom on the floor. Bad News: It was still in the wrapper
Randomize