So he passed out in the bathroom of the bar, woke up thinking he was somewhere else and called her flipping his shit because he thought she left him. She had to go into the men's bathroom to find him, and then he told her she was "trying too hard to be his girlfriend" over and over again.
Dont they live together now? Havent they been together for like two years?
Yeah. That's the best part. I always thought he was kind of a pussy but turns out he's a degenerate just like us. Welcome
Since she's grinding up on your thigh right now, I'm sending you this text hoping it makes your phone vibrate in her vagina
I just woke up covered In blood, I have cuts all over my body, I can't find my clothes from last night, I'm still wasted, i'm pretty sure I have a sprained ankle, and the best part is, I have absolutely no recollection of what led to this. THAT'S why vodka is the greatest drink in the world.
He bought me flowers. The card with it said: Sorry I cant get you off. I will try harder.
It's sad really how 5 am brings with it a distinction from drunken to pathetic.
You picked me up and threw me on a barstool and shoved shots in front of me.
Thats like the definition of a good friend
Is it horrible that I want to keep my purple landing strip until after my gyno apt? I feel like someone beside myself should see it...
Peeing in public by noon, this is not a good indicator for the day.
Just come back with most of your limbs...and your dick. Please and thank you
Screw them and thier engaged asses. I've got liquor to drink and boys I don't know to make out with.
He wrote me poetry. 12 hours after getting my number
He wants to buy me a drink to apologize for sending me a pic of his dick. Welcome to my life.
He smacked my ass so hard my ass cheek looks like Wilson from Cast Away
I stole $10 from the guy I hooked up with last night.Not sure why but it was definitely more satisfying.
So I was walking to the bathroom and some random dude threw up while walking towards me. He kept eye contact the entire time and didn't stop moving.
Randomize
