hooking up with chicks might be the way to go after all. walk of shame looks better in her clothes.
Best news of the day: the hot chick at the funeral was NOT related to me... Thank god
I literally just wrote "I'm sorry" in my blue book, got up and walked out
Well this lady at the bar told me I was a natural on the tambourine and that it was my God given talent. and then she gave me a tambourine.
Her throat is strong enough to gargle peanut butter. I'm sure you were satisfied.
sleeping in bed with your booty calls married sister...you're the stuff heroes are made of.
I have the perfect view of a sexy blonde in yoga pants stretching from the shoulder press machine. I'll be here all night. So glad I came high.
Ur here with me in spirit. Now run free. Run free
can't believe I traded a good night's sleep and a midterm for your blurry tits
I'm still high with raccoon eyeliner eyes and chocolate all over my face and chest, clutching a mug of wine. Happy graduation.
Is there a particular reason why everyone is now calling you Butt Doctor?
HE WAS SUPPOSED TO BE THE TROPHY HUSBAND! I WAS GOING TO BE THE SUCCESSFUL ONE!
Watching Supernatural does more for me sexually than the physical encounters with 90% of the men in my life.
You're talking to someone who was 80% serious about breaking into someone's house and leaving a cat there with our names in a heart tag on its collar
And by "I love him" I mean "I want his tongue down my throat.
Just letting you know that your little sister is now your eskimo brother. You can send a thank you edible arrangement to Tammy.
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