oh and i feel obligated to inform you that there will be no sexin' because it's 'lady time' for me. so this ain't a booty call.
You left half a beer on someones car and claimed it was a second day of hanakuh gift
pop tarts are not kleenex
he ran me a hot bath. i thought i was in a pot and was going to be eaten. i was strangely ok with this
Are you dead or are you taking another 13 hour nap? you need to let me know these things ahead of time so i dont worry.
How do guys with small dicks who cheat on their girlfriends get girlfriends!?!
Outta milk. Using rum instead for pancake mix. Drunk Thursday is a gooo
ya she's here .. it looks like she just gave up and passed out on the floor
Let me put it this way - if I had a list of things I would like between my legs, she would rank below the cello I turned into firewood sophomore year.
Your lack of enthusiasm for my exciting news of drunken debauchery with an otherwise occupied vagina of one of my greatest conquests yet disturbs me. I'm not happy with you
At what point in life does one make the conscious decision to incorporate capes into everyday life? Like, as a fashion statement?
I'm not sure how to answer that. Is it a general question or one you're wondering about for yourself? Because I don't think you're there yet.
Netflix, eggnog, and bed? Maybe some hand stuff?
BTW, does Anne know that we used the lipstick she is currently wearing to was used to write the word "ASS" on my ass cheeks last night?
We were making eye contact while i was throwing up.
The abomination is in progress. At least one barista side eyed me and the other has fear in her eyes
Randomize