They had miseltoe over the keg.... thats cheating
I don't get why Lindsay Lohan doesn't just blame her bad behavior on her twin sister from the Parent Trap. I mean nobodys seen her since.
my sombrero is too big for the bathroom
Well hey if hot cowboys are involved then all bets are off.
Does he not understand that naked slip and slide needs supervision after dark?!
Well it was 11am and we were walking to the market with red cups in our hands yelling NO JUDGEMENT at every car that passed
the creek. my friends left me at a party next thing i know im in a breaststroke relay race with a bunch of randos in the dark
Did you make me take pictures of your ass last night because you fucked on some wet paint or did i dream that?
Last night he asked the cab driver "if you were in the middle of getting tattooed and the tattoo artist suddenly got a boner would you leave or would you get that boner??"
Also, I'm sat on the floor drinking cava because life is just not working for me tonight.
You insisted that your middle name was "velociraptor" for 20 minutes and every time someone said something you tried to relate it to velociraptors. That kind of drunk.
He went down on me to the national anthem being sung by Jordan sparks. It was very patriotic of him
I have a bandage in my ass crack. In. My. Ass. Crack.
You know you've found a good drug dealer when he's willing to overnight mail to you in another state...
Of two things I'm absolutely sure: 1. I only took 2 hits off that joint and 2. I definitely ran over hedwig on the way home
Randomize
