He's been sleeping iwht ***
Nooo
Yeah I don't even know how, she looks like her mom smoked crack while she was in the womb
And then hit her in the face with a shovel
So how was last night?
Let's just say I danced with the devil
Huh?
I'm going to Hell for sure
Dude, you posted a cap of a porn to survey if it looked like me. That's pretty certifiably creepy.
official worst smell ever. a used condom that has gone through the dryer.
let's get her a shirt that says "i went to key west for spring break and all i got was this illegitimate child."
And he tried to make it as casual as possible by asking where i was going on vacation while he was poundin me.
Apparently she buried shit in the snow back in January and now that it's melted I found a flip flop, 4 spoons, a bottle of smirnoff, and 14 different candy bars
Holy shit, you lost your virginity on 11/11/11. Now every time someone fucks you, they can make a wish. Your vagina has officially been transformed into a wishing well.
just woke up on my patio with a mouse eating cheetos off mys chest. youre all assholes.
Friends don't let friends go vibrator shopping alone.
Also- should we send out holiday cards? That say, "Eat a dick, 2014"?
I've orgasmed so many times tonight I think I've become enlightened
you know you're drunk when you start breaking down your body composition into organic molecules
Told him I just wanted to be friends. He responded, "The best marriages are born from great friendships." Please come get me.
He just told me my boobs made up for all the bad things that had ever happened to him. I'm definately having sex with him again.
Randomize
