i always forget guys have bellybuttons
Is it sanitary to roast marshmallows over a cigarette lighter?
Just made a pepperoni sandwich with cheese, mayo, and pickles. Poverty is like pot, without the happy feeling.
all i wanted was to be slutty. now i'm meeting him for drinks tomorrow because he woke up before i had a chance to sneak out and was too polite to say no
I want "hickeys on my ass" sex
Mass text to all of my back up boy toys. First one here wins. Mama needs some.
Can I bring some rope too? It's not too early for bondage talk, is it?
So my roommate and I have a written agreement stating that if he tries to sleep with his ex girlfriend, I have to immediately intervene and nut punch him then send her on her way.
this is the most serious roommate agreement ever
And the sky opened up and god said.... "WET T-SHIRT CONTEST!!!!"
Godammit I caught my hair on fire taking a bong rip
My new dentist just kinda stared at me when I told him that I used to have partial dentures after breaking 2 teeth while beating the shit out of someone, until I puked them into the toilet and flushed them after getting high and making myself undercooked mac and cheese.
She passed out in my baby sister's room so we put her in one of my grandma's diapers, put a pacifier in her mouth, put her in my sister's crib and took pictures.
I can tell that I'm high when listening to celine dion becomes such a life changing experience
We spent our last night together taking turns vomiting in the bathroom. I'd say it was a romantic trip.
hotelroom bed is big enough to masturbate in, but small enough to not want to sleep in it after you've masturbated in it
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