You kept asking who was the good cop and who was the bad cop, you said you only wanted to talk to the good one
You were carrying around a milk crate, randomly putting it down calling out 'praise be to the milk gods' and making people pray to it.
I like how I get messages from eharmony at the same time I'm looking for a new vibrator. It's like the powers that be are just trying to make my life ironic.
He kept falling asleep with the pizza in his hand. I woke him up and told him and he was shocked because he thought he ate it all. Then he would end up falling asleep and we'd repeat the whole process again.
I woke up wearing a lax pinnie under my shirt, a triathlon medal, and a dora backpack... I think I had fun
Well she described you as a "Sex-Viking", which seemed to be only slightly related to the red beard. So things are looking good!
He held the kayak still so I wouldn't tip over while projectile vomiting. If that ain't true love, I don't know what is...
Would you still love me if my nipple fell off?
he sent me a green and gold dick pic and advised me I needed to come drive the snake from Ireland.
...Just this whole adulting thing gets in the way of mermaid drag shows at lesbian bars.
I DID NOT GO INTO HOURS OF STRENUOUS LABOR FOR YOU TO LOOK LIKE A DOMINATRIX BARMAID ON A WEEKDAY. AT LEAST SAVE IT FOR THE WEEKEND GDI.
I slept like a rock because of your dick. I'll thank him personally later.
Is it disrespectful or patriotic to pole dance on an american flag pole?
When I woke up today i said I will NOT sleep with her. This morning I did the walk of shame into work wearing the same clothes... How was your Monday?
And by "sexually intimate," you mean fuck buddies?
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