I don't believe in a God but I'm almost positive I just shit out the devil.
Just used the D.E.N.N.I.S system successfully.
Its Friday night, and I'm sitting at home watching are you smarter then a 5th grader, drinking vodka. I got every single question wrong. Clearly you see where I'm headed in life.
You need to always be prepared. Like a sex firefighter.
He just asked me if I'd be interested in couples therapy. Fuck my life.
I ended up naked with smirnoff caps on my nipples. Dignity is now a completely foreign concept to me.
She had cheddar bay biscuits in her purse. Biscuits, Id and cash. I'm gonna marry her.
I just threw up again because I opened my eyes... God is laughing. I resorted to taking the Mexican Dramamine because I feel seasick from walking. Not helping.
Nothing like waking up naked and alone on your floor to remind you that you make life mistakes often.
I would agree. Whose business is it if I like to guzzle vodka by the liter on my of time? Answer: mine.
WE'RE MOVING TO IRELAND!!!! DON'T ASK QUESTIONS JUST BOOK THE DAMN FLIGHT!!!!
I thought the first time I got peed on it would be by a baby...
I wear drunk well.
Why are we so out going and care free I can't wait for maturity to kick in so we stop having 700 dollar bar tabs
The salt made it so good this margarita is touching my soul. I swear I'm not high BUT I want elote in a cup with the insides of a shrimp taco. I think that would make my life complete.
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