dude why did you let me call her?!
i told you it was a bad idea and to quote you exactly, you said "no, it's a good idea..that's what people do when they love each other." you met her 15 minutes prior to that conversation...
Wow, this guy is harder to get rid of than gum in pubic hair
You bring the bicep workout. I'll bring the unscented gentle products. We'll both bring our penises.
I have minimal recognition and a lot of burns on my tongue and my vagina hurts.
At the end of the night you handed the bartender a piece of paper with the word "VISA" written on it.
When they say "all expenses paid" does that include bail?
For when you/if you wake up tomorrow.. You broke 4 of the bar's glasses tonight and I am currently watching you as you ride the broom around the bar instead of cleaning up your mess. I am no longer able to come up with excuses for you.
I want to celebrate with you...
There's nothing I'd like more than a celebratory "The guy I'm doing just found out he's not a baby daddy" dinner.
Hurry up and get here I'm judging myself
We now only communicate via Xbox messages. Living together is so easy
I can give you five reasons its your baby
and I can give you 10 reasons it's not, but I'm busy so I'll just go with you have the wrong number. And also I'm a straight girl.
Like I cant decide if he's like autistic or something or just seriously cock blocks himself on purpose with this shit
Just had a threesome with my best friend and LSAT teacher...just checked three things off my bucket list in one night
Also, we can't be seen together looking suspicious or sexually satisfied
She actually made an event on facebook for tomorrow when she does a pregnancy test, 8 people are attenting so far
Randomize
