I'm at the cafe. It's 7am. There is a girl I don't know on my futon who tried to tickle me this morning when I got down from my loft. I also not wearing any underwear.
nothing worse than sitting down ready for a solid porn sesh to find out your internet is out. comcast owes me a handjob
She's legit crying about wanting more sex. Holy shit.
now I know why they wanted me to come. apparently gay guys are stripper magnets
Then I realized I was alone sitting on the bathroom floor brushing my teeth at 2am laughing to myself.
Oh my god. I just RAN OVER a child. Oh my god this isnt my day. That kid was cool as fuck though
You went into the shower with my roommate and cursed him out asking why he was there
I was stopped at a light on my way home and a priest threw holy water on my car. Seems fitting after last night.
Someone put pennies in the toilet. This isn't a fucking wishing well
You took motorboating me in public to a whole new level. You poured your beer down my top and LAPPED IT UP.
of course the one day I come to class high we have guest speakers from the police department... Just my luck
Yeah like stabbing myself through the eye with a coffee stir and bleeding out all over the office rug
Oh god he’s a clown I fucked a rodeo clown
I have two choices: tits or tacos. I just can't decide.
like sometimes I wish I was allergic to latex so I wouldn't have sex with so many people..
Randomize
