I thnk I just saw a monkey walking a drunk guy.
He is like the real live version of the state fair..
Somehow he came on his own face...then he freaked out
he was so high that he wouldn't speak to anybody for like 30 minutes, he'd only gobble, like a turkey.
We both bought three foot bongs...going to race to see who can smoke a mile first.
My bed smells like stale sex...I want it to smell like fresh sex, I miss you.
I totally accidentally said "we don't go around hammering girls in the rear" in front of 132 5th graders today.
When we were fucking he said and I quote "we're like a sex fajita"
First memory of my senior year: Going into registration still drunk from last night.
how many times have i told you.. they dont like when you laugh during sex
I am going to buy some m-80's and keep a bucket of them in the bathroom. That way I can just depth charge the toilet before each time I use it. Lets see how those snakes like cheap Chinese explosives
You could see the bone sticking out of his shin and he insisted he was "just gunna walk it off"
Visions of polite missionary are dancing in my head right now kinda and it alarms me
Just wore the promise ring dad gave me freshman year of high school as a fake wedding band while I bought a pregnancy test. I think it's safe to say that's not what he had in mind with that gift 14 years ago.
Fuck off. Since when do you love him??
Since he licked my arm to retrieve the macaroni and cheese he dropped. You have to appreciate that
Can't even lie. Mad respect
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