just took a sink shower in Arbys bathroom
I may or may not have screamed I'M ON A BOAT while having sex...on a boat. I think I was born to have sex with him.
sudden memory flashback: you and i having sex on the bed, erin sitting naked in your desk chair drinking whiskey straight from the bottle while harassing you for your computer password to play some "mood music." high five. go us.
I mean Grimace is basically just a big piece of purple shit and he is loved way more than the hamburglar just to put it into perspective
you puked on the porch, i can see your jacket on the floor next to your underwear. i know your home, unchain the door, you're the worst roommate ever.
My drug dealer is making me hot tea during the snowstorm...I'm a fan.
Did i mention i'm like the equivilent of a prepubescent boy suffering from preejaculacy? I just about creamed my pants when he grabbed my hand..
Well, I found the missing blow... in my fucking suitcase... THIS MORNING. Yeah, I flew from FL to NY with blow in my suitcase yesterday.
I told you to check, dude
Yeah, AFTER I checked my bag and I was already sitting on a plane. Oh well. I figured worst case I'd do like 15 hours in county and I was totally prepared for that anyways. I always prepare for that when we hang out.
Want to FaceTime and watch me finish this bagel?
It says a lot about the way my life is going right now that 'there's no shit in your house' is fucking good news.
For what it's worth, I didn't think that hitting you with a crowbar as hard as I did would break your arm like that. You should drink more milk.
Did you just email Kelly and I gay dinosaur erotica?
danced like there was no tomorrow. surprise. there's a tomorrow
I threw up all of my purple drank and thats really important
Slowly dying because of my period and my phone is mocking me because I have 69% battery
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