apparently i broke a 100 dollar bill to tip the bartender on a free drink
Is it wrong that I didn't stop masterbating when the credit card company called?
did you answer or finish?
both
so, is "hi, did i take your virginity six years ago and never call afterwards?" an appropriate greeting in a bar?
Guy passed out in the lobby with a keychain sharpie hanging from his belt loop. 1 guest came in and wrote on him, then others saw and got in line. I'm not waking him up.
I just sprawled out on my bedroom floor and cried while shoveling chocolate into my mouth.. I should not have Bacardi at home
I seriously have her in my phone as "Legit 8"...even I'm surprised
I can't believe I'm giving you play by plays of this sexting convo. It's like a three way he doesn't know about.
I never forget a pussy, even blackout me gives me that memory.
Found some boxer briefs on my patio table this morning surrounded by a case worth of empties. Starting to remember why I have rugburn and a sore asshole.
I feel like I'm pretty optimistic for a girl that might be pregnant.
Last night I watered my lawn and smoked a joint then cooked a steak. I'm really killing this adulthood thing.
It seems that Coffee is the true alpha male.
so i put my jacket on last night that you wore last weekend, and reach inside the pockets and find them full of goldfish...
the snack that smiles back:)
And on the way out from Applebee's he tried to take the basket of toothpicks claiming he was using them as a tax write off. Last time I babysit my dad on thirsty Thursday.
spent the night holding naked strippers up for keg stands and doing endless amounts of body shots. good game 8am final exam.
whats an extra semester when you've already been in college for 6 years?
Randomize
