That's what you get for not wearing a bra and jumping on a trampoline
You can't motorboat a personality
we are learning about oedipus in english. fuck you for making this awkward for me
you just kept swimming in circles and whenever someone would try and coax you out you would scream "i CANNOT drown, my brother is the supervisor of a water park!!
I woke up next to her will a oven mit taped to my cock. Dear god, I might have tried to use it as a condom.
Ya, found out why there were rat traps in my bed. Guess I pissed in Sams room so he went to the store and got them and put them on my bed and put tabasco in his humidifier and put it in my room
His balls are like really small, like dog sized balls. It was a weird discovery. Ever done a guy with dog sized balls?
We smoked before the sunrise hike. I ended up eating a banana and singing Circle of Life as the sun rose over the horizon.
So apparently I was a completely different person lastnight, one who drinks scotch and makes out with 55 year old men who look like inspector gadget
I just saw a girl drinking wine and walking her dog in footie pajamas and a mad hatter hat. First day of the new year and I think I'm in love.
I feel like you should put up a missed connections ad for this..
I wonder if there is a über wall of shame that you are currently on. Like between drivers.
Definitely accidentally brought drugs into Disneyland. Considering using them.
Apparently I handcuffed myself to the dishwasher...
the cop found his r2d2 bong and asked me if i ever smoked out of him. i'm like, no sir. he's like ahh. if i were to smoke, it'd definitely be out of some star wars character.
easily made my night.
were you aware we were supposed to be taking care of her hamster this weekend?
Randomize