eh.. i should've known it was headed downhill after he used the phrase "pussy sundae"
it's a shame restraining orders have to come between me and my relationships
She's a squirter....that makes up for lots of other annoying things
I was the last girl at the bar last night. It was like a battle royale between 10 guys.
We are getting high tomorrow and being statues at the cafeteria. Come find us.
Be there soon... with munchies, blow jobs and shoulder rubs.
She had a cast on when I met her, but she blamed me for breaking her arm this morning. I'm gonna marry this girl.
Word of advice, don't put your jar if peanut butter in the microwave, blue fire comes out
Nothing better than going to Mass on Easter Sunday with "I love penis" henna tattooed across your back. Love your Indian culture.
You know it's time to do the dishes when you take shots of water out of a sake glass...
And you wonder why you're always one of the guys?
They're frat boys at heart and have sickly, dusty, rotting souls.
You wrote me a check. For zero dollars. For my soul. Dick.
lesbians are really intense tho, she made me take her eye makeup off and told me she was going to eat me for breakfast
I ate 1200 calories worth of chocolate covered marshmallows and googled why it is okay to be single forever
Well, I could just slap my dick to my phone and see what it says
Randomize
