it cannot be done, he is unbreakable.
What?
..he cannot be seduced..she had to have roofied him.
Details.
just took my temp. 103. i wonder how tylenol and jager bombs are gonna mix
in the middle of giving him head in the backseat of my car he taps me on the shoulder, opens the door, throws up three times and then proceeds to tell me how amazing i am.
Just saw him riding in a basket on the front of a bike trying to feed the other guy beer. He screamed 'PARTY BIKE BITCHES!' at me as they rode past.
I lied. He's hitting on a drag queen now. Should I rescue him or take pictures?
There's sex hanging in the air like a pinata. European people are no joke.
She just broke down showed up grabbed a beer said fuck it pulled off her fake eyelashes looked at my roommate and said we need to break up you're a nice guy and I'm a whore
When the cops pulled up I just stood flat against the fence with my hands up while yelling out,"I'm a tree!!"...
How did "late lunch" turn into 8 solid hours of drinking??? I feel like death.
Im breaking out the trunk vodka tonight, its been aged to perfection.
I see you met someone special
She's like a solid nine. Well maybe not a tomorrow morning nine, but she's a nine right now and trying to take me home.
Literally every boy I've dated is now in a somewhat successful band. My vagina has obviously been blessed by the rock gods.
Can you send me the picture you took of me smoking a joint with the cat make-up on?
Why are you naked at 4pm?
Its my birthday, I dont have to wear clothes
I’m glad they have a happy marriage but why do they have to inflict it on the rest of us?
We somehow ended up in Oklahoma. Nick's been crapping for two hours and I'm afraid to call a doctor because who the hell knows what sort of stuff goes down in the middle of nowhere. So not a great long weekend really.
Randomize
