I can't watch pbs sober anymore
my love horoscope just told me to "say it in frosting" should i take this literally?? i think yes.
Just woke up. Need to shower and fuck. Be there when I'm done disappointing. Should be 30.
i offered her breakfast shots. she politely declined.
It'll be like the burning bush except without moses and with pubes.
So was it you or me who decided it was a good idea to inscribe fuck you on the counter?
That was me. Just a 'welcome to our home' kinda thing.
All i've had today is coffee and ketchup packets. I need a job like yesterday.
Hooked up with a guy dressed as Miss Frizzle last night... Asked if I could ride his Magic School Bus
I've already come to terms that I'm gonna have to bone a few gross librarians, but hey, it's college
That awkward moment when your boyfriend tries to have sex with his go pro on #hdporn
Also did I tell you guys about the time that I balled for like an hour at a frat and made them play wagon wheel and then cleaned their bathroom
She's blowing me while I'm watching air jaws. I love shark week.
Sorry I told all the other bridesmaids you were an asshole. I had had a few drinks and it's how I felt at the time.
Is it fucked up to venmo someone for plan-b?
Anyway, that's been my evening- crying and looking up diabetes symptoms. How was your night?
Randomize
