Just heard someone use the phrase "slut mustard" in a sentence. Win.
she was sure she was an eel. She spent 40 minutes sliterhing on the floor to get to her room
she just made a shot glass out of magazine paper. I love her.
He booked us a hotel at a resort in cancun for sprng break... I just wanted to get laid this weekend when i was blackout i didnt know it was gonna spiral into a mess of events like a 5 month in advance commitment
I can hear her blowing you man. All I hear is her saying 'yeah' over and over again.
True as that may be, are you coming to the birth of my imaginary child or not?
I had lunch with him today and quietly mourned his wasted good looks on such a disappointing set of genitals.
So how was the sex with me last night?
No worse than usual.
So question... If I'm sexting with uncircumcised guy, do I have to add *then i gently pull your foreskin down*?
We found Mulan.
I thought you were in bed what the hell
Serious concern: will TSA confiscate my bondage rope?
So none of you told me my tits were popping out of my shirt for three hours?
We told you. Repeatedly. You said you made it look good.
If last night was a preview of 2015, I quit.
Just paid my weed guy with a check. I've got this whole adult thing down.
he tried to have the "are we in a relationship" chat last night. I stuck my fingers in my ears, yelled lalalalalala very loudly at him and told him I would stop having sex with him if he ever tried that conversation again. bad person, or just being a realist?
Randomize
