just paid a stripper to have a minute conversation about the arizona game WTF
So im walking through ohare and this guy walks by with a cart full of big bottles of liquor. I want to know what flight hes on.
I have 250 contacts there has to be someone sober to take me to taco bell
He keeps the condoms in his bible. I guess stairs or elevator, we're getting to hell one way or another.
I was relieved after I found the unopened condom in my pocket. Then I found the open one in the other pocket..
it was really awkward..i thought he had two dicks, but later realized it was jsut his roommate
Only you would think wine and coffee was an acceptable finals study time mix
Dylan just paid 30 bucks to have himself wrapped in the clear plastic they wrap luggage in at the airport. Bring scissors.
She wants to go as a facebook "like" for halloween, but right now her costume looks more like the hamburger helper hand with broken fingers.
Lock the bathroom door next time you are going to masterbate with the shower head, okay?
I was just power-washing my vagina.
This is ridiculous. I’m in fucking college getting high off a potato.
I just paid $10 for tinder plus so that I could change my location to Rio and match with Olympic Athletes
then I ended up getting a lapdance from my TA...I love college.
You can't leave me alone in times of distress because I will fuck things 🙈😐
Woke up in a house I don't know, with someone else's pants on, and wolverine hair, to my girlfriend yelling on the phone about the 4 girls I made out with last
Randomize
