Just a heads up. Everytime I get arrested in Maine I claim I lost my ID and use your name.
I learned an important lesson this weekend.... I'm way to good at sex to travel for it. From now on he drives here...
Europeans suck. I just gave him head and somehow i am the one paying for the coffee
She gave him a lap dance on the glass table. You can guess how that ended
You took a bar mat shot.
So help me Jesus we're never drinking together again. But weekends don't count. Amen.
So this is what you do on your hungover days off put your balls into an egg carton?
It doesn't matter how many beers you've had, it's unacceptable to piss in someone's helmet after a playoff win.
The water at the venue tasted HORRIBLE so I just kept drinking booze. It was like the medievals.
Funny how the post-sex UTI lasted longer than the entire relationship.
She couldn't understand why my walking in on her 70 year old parents ruined any chance of a boner for at least an hour. I think she's too slow for me to fornicate with.
At least you didn't wake up next to your professor who then proceeded to cancel class via phone while still inside of me.
I'm serenading his dick with my words. I understand how poets get inspiration now.
Two days ago a random guy asked me to sign his forehead 'cause he wanted to have the name of the prettiest girl in the bar on him and never wash it. I just saw him and my signature still there...
It's been three years since Kelly shit in the to go box that we put in Sam's mailbox after we broke up. Considering Sam and I are friends again, should I finally tell him?
Randomize
