so I made out with a lobbyist last night. im officially a resident of D.C
I need to stop fucking people before I get to know them
Old lady caught me peeing in the street and yelled at me and said "I REBUKE YOU"
Shrimp lo Mein doused in green apple Smirnoff is a rare delicacy only a few get to experience..guess I should consider myself lucky
They can be so fun, drunk bruises are like clues to the treasure of what actually happened last night. "why do I have a bruise on my belly button? oh right. i was trying to turn my stomach off so I would stop throwing up."
So last night I learned something new. Whenever I drink beer out of a bottle a random guy buys me another one. It was like as soon as the glass hit my lips every guy in a 20ft radius got a hard on.
The US State Dept doesn't need to know I'm a high strung drunken whore.
And really all I wanted was to be like "hey can I borrow your dick for a few hours this weekend?"
So some drunk guy just tried to convince me with all of his passion that bacon is a color
id like to think im the only pot dealing prostitute that is also an ordained minister. but maybe not. what a time to be alive
Just spent the morning washing Bailey's and Guiness out of my clothes -_-
Fuck me I smell like cheese
Got my client divorced finally. He was even awarded the cat ashes. Yep I went to law school for this.
He's eating a sriracha ravioli sandwich. How do you think the night is going?
I'll bring spiced rum
I am not drinking that devil juice
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