We got them high and they had an hour long debate on the best way to get cum out of eyes.
you better fuck at least one or both of them.
new rule: cockblock me if I have had over a fifth of jack. no matter what.
He snuck into my grandmothers house, broke her lamp, fucked me, then had breakfast with us the next morning. I am an awful granddaughter.
We are not buying weed off a guy from the internet.
I apparently spent $173 at the bar last night. The proof is in the vomit on my pillow and the receipt I tried to clean it up with.
I also was calling every child by their name "Birthcontrol" - straight people are fun
What should we drink tonight, I'm in the mood to be judged
So which one of you fuckers changed my backgrounds while I was passed out to me holding a chicken like the statue of liberty?
Halfway through the blowjob she stopped and said 'Wait I know this dick'.
He is currently in a meeting and I am sexting him in Italian
And he's using Google translate to reply. Who says cross country relationships can't be fun?
I'm sending lingerie pics that I took yesterday. I fully prepared for this holiday
I signed the divorce papers. Can I get a blowjob now?
She moved all of her stuff out while we were gone. Shit in the toilet, and didn’t flush. So yeah it went well.
Sometimes I get confused on who I really actually know and who's lives I just know everything about via internet. Its a fine line
You’re better off without him. Actually, he’s better off without you and that’s what really matters
Randomize