please say your awake. the girl i brought home last night...any idea on a name? she isnt up yet...
hooked up with a girl who spoke elfish last night..what up 8th grade lord of the rings fantasies
How do I introduce myself to her without coming off as "the guy who jacks-off to her profile pic"?
Even when three police cars surrounded us you kept telling us not to worry because 'only good things can happen'.
My niece just unknowingly cock blocked me. Obviously, someone won't be getting a christmas present this year.
note to self: an IV pole is no substitute for a stripper pole. Written it on my ankle cast.
I'll have to explain it to you tonight when i call drunk. It will sound better
It's like a bag of dicks covered in taint sweat pounding a pregnant baby walrus.
He told me he wanted a penis beard so that he could look at girls faces when they gave him blowjobs. i have to say, i kind of admire his creativity
Repeat. Dildo on the ceiling, confiscated potato shooter, and bottle of yegger. Repeat. Ceiling dildo and yegger.
She acts like a 3 year old but with fantastic tits. This girl is the reason women are objectified
I sent dad a photo of my graduation certificate from drug therapy class. It was his birthday so it seemed appropriate.
He's slurring his text. I didn't think that was possible.
I'm trying to cause a divorce, your hooking up with a felon, I think we need Jesus.
He threatened my life and my car because I called you. Are you sure you never slept with him ?
Randomize
