her orgasm sounded like a fucking walrus crying.
I need to not be around brick walls while intoxicated.
entire chemistry final was about beer... i actually might miss this place
at least he lost his v-card with a bang... or should i say the clap.
i just ate an entire onion plain. all alone. i have never felt more single in my life
I feel like a really awesome person when i have to check my roof for things i've lost
My summer fucks are coming back to haunt me with a vengeance.
Just remembered I hit myself in the face with a bottle then did the nose test and decided I was still good. Don't think anyone noticed.
They evidently had to pull his penis out of me while we were passed out on the floor.
All right cuz right now I'm in one of those moods where the shear thought of doing anything more strenuous than making a sandwich has me wanting to curl up in the feeble position and splash around in a puddle of my own tears.
There are a bunch of highly educated, advanced in their field, PUSSY ASS BITCHES in this bar
From now on when a guy sends me a dick picture I'm going to send them a picture of some other dudes dick.
You want to complain about your sex life to me? Right now mine consists of trying to masturbate lightly enough not to wake her up with bed shakes. Go. Fuck. Yourself.
It was inevitable. It was like I was a caterpillar and now I'm a drunk and high butterfly
I'm definitely drunk. At the gyno. On my birthday. Life is a joooooooke
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