update: ifinallt managed t5o be in a. Horizontal position without throwing up... the snmall victories.
Also, my phone autocorrects ENABLER to all caps. I think I drunk text the word too often.
Why doesn't he get that I would rather give him blow jobs than be in a relationship?
its sad im about to start saving up for how drunk i need to be for the holidays
Better than last year. I didn't wake up to an after thanksgiving human shit on my living room floor. I think it's a sign I'm growing up at almost 30.
im just laying in bed, eating, getting fat, enjoying eating and getting fat, thinking about how i will probably have to get a fat boyfriend.
I'm the man of the house if we're referring to livers.
He handed me a beer to drink as he went down on me. I want to keep him
I totally have a huge crush on him though which is fucking up my "classy she-demon with limited feelings" vibe
He kept squeezing my butt and telling me how smart I was
What happened to no more shots?
It went out the window just like my dreams
I'm more than my video games and dildo collection
I'm wearing a sports bra. Of course I'm not getting laid tonight.
Florida is balancing how much this place sucks with how many vodkas you can have to cope in order to still be allowed on the plane to leave
I think I was just motorboated by a 4-year old girl.
Randomize
