Went home with a 29 year old from the bar. Life lesson: 9 year olds stay up late sometimes
I am SOOO high
tell me about your high
HUGE THUMBTACKS
I looked at my arm when I woke up..I guess after 8 tally marks I said fuck it and wrote "too much"
so literally, as soon as i tripped and fell and hit the floor the earthquake started. hows THAT for a self esteem boost?
Someone just proposed in Subway. Trying not to laugh.
I'm not throwing down for dinner because I plan to have so much tequila I puke it up anyways. How much is a cab home?
Accidentally gagged on my toothbrush and puked up a Walgreen's cheeseburger. 1) I am not going to be on top of my game tonight. 2) Since when do I have a gag reflex? 3) Walgreen's cheeseburgers are awesome.
I whipped my shit out and she just stared at it with a mean face. It was like a face off in a heavyweight boxing fight.
The cop let me finish my J before he cuffed me. Coolest arresting officer ever.
Walk of shame dressed as a Christmas tree, it happened. Ho ho ho bitches
I'm slightly more gay than I thought. I'd go so far as to say I'm a top.
Literally if she wants to make a big deal, I'd rather have shit smeared on my face.
Yeah plus that night got so disgusting it's basically a repressed memory anyway
Thanks again for the coffee and orgasms
sometimes you just have to listen to beyonce and cry. that's how life works
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