So I had sex in the woods... it was just as dirty as you'd expect it would be.. and not in a good way.
You can tell a man will be prosperous by the power of his farts- A fart that can shake the room is a voice that can change the world.
This can't be good. I've realized that I weigh less in the morning after I have had a blackout drunk night than when I work out and eat healthy.
If one more "stranger" walks up to me at the bar and asks how I have been, I am going to rehab.
I love you. I'm too high for this. Find a way. Make it happen. Live strong.
walk of shame into the pharmacy with a busted up chin and laughing the lady at the counter rolled her eyes at me when I asked for the morning after pill.
HE THREATENED ME WITH A CACTUS. WHERE DID HE EVEN GET A CACTUS.
I apparently started to text you last night. All it said was 'the whole clam'. I hope that means something to you.
He returned my car yesterday. Found a duffel bag with beef jerky, condoms, and a handgun this morning. Slightly concerned
This is simple. Just sex and high fives. No feelings.
I just want somebody who'll randomly bring me pizza and lovingly squeeze my butt. Is there a dating app for that, do you think?
I'm like a saiyan, every time I get trashed I come back stronger
It's official cum is not a great leave in conditioner
I would but he’s not speaking to me because I put ketchup in his socks.
Never going back to jail again. Only time in my life I've ever had a wet dream about jerking it...
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