Stoned at DSW. SO MANY SHOES! THEY'RE FREAKING ME OUT.
My dad just sent me a text telling me to "say hi to all the luscious bitches" at the gay bar. Guess this explains my childhood
And then I'm going to yell into her vagina and see if it echoes
I just made out with a girl with a life jacket on wtf is going on
just woke up face down in my kitchen covered in cheetos. my mom just stepped over me to get to the coffee maker. hello summer
Coming home soaking wet at three am and trying to convince the front desk man that we came from the library might have worked if I wasn't also roaring at everything.
But it's a terrible idea. One erection and it's gonna go wrong
You know why nobody comes up with Sober October? Other than it's Oktoberfest? Because Sober October doesn't benefit anyone, just like your judgment isn't benefiting me. I'll talk to you in November. Unless you make up another alcoholless month.
She wanted to roleplay. Apparently you be snow and i'll be a plow wasn't an option
I wonder what it's like for my roommate to live bicuriously thro my sex life
If you've ever wondered what a shitshow is, just watch me at the bar on a Friday. Or Tuesday. Take your pick.
I thought it was improvement but then i realized sex isn't an emotion and I hate everyone
He told me to prepare for his "Jurassic cock" and I had to leave the room from laughing.
Just text him and be like do you want this pussy or not. You have three seconds to respond.
Is it bad form to puke out of a dorm window to avoid looking bad in front of the people in your room?
How about from a sixth floor window?
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