You gave me the wrong number last night so I texted someone else something I definitely shouldn't have.
One minute shes telling me about her volunteer work then she whips out a 12 inch dildo
i havent thrown up in four monthes, im clearly not drinking enough
i had a dream that i had so much marijuana that i didn't know what to do with it. i woke up and cried.
So, we're going at it on the sink when a German kid walks in and starts brushing his teeth. I love hostel sex.
That penis you're staring at is the penis of heartbreak. Stay away. It will break your heart AND keep you away from other penises. BACK. OFF. THE PENIS.
You don't have a penis so I'm not texting you at this hour. This is penis texting hour only.
Immediate regret. She's like a chihuahua on crack.
he says he is going to get you very high and make you leave the country with him
possibly by boat
sweating bourbon at client mtg -- you?
I think I’ve reached sophomore-year-level of bad ideas
and you know that’s the highest possible level because it’s when I met you
In other news, I tore a tendon in my hand from giving my boyfriend handjobs so that's how my day is going
Heading there now. Already have a boner.
Is it wrong that I have to schedule a family Sunday brunch around my mom's weekly banging of my stepdad. And why do I even know this??
His penis is average but his stamina is amazing!!! I didn’t know I had that many orgasms in my body!!!!
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