I murdered the dance floor call the cops
we're chasing vodka with high fives
i have a real life question, do ur boyfriends pretend to be vampires ever?
You know your from las vegas when the girl on the stage in the strip club was in my US gov class senior year
True life I used my fake as a photo id for my final. My professor told me good luck and laughed. Hope the bouncers are in the St. Patrick's day spirit.
she broke up with me and one of her excuses was constant soreness... should I be sad or proud?
She's gonna be fat in the future. On a side note I had a "It's not you, it's me." conversation with a bottle of jack last night.
Let's not refer to him as Dustin. That makes him seek like a real person, not just a dick I would like to experience.
$200 on plane. $110 on train. $5 per drink on plane. $15 per case on train. Plane 1 hour flight. Train 9 hour excursion. Hmmmmm.
OMG OMG OMG DID YOU KNOW THERE ARE MINI CHOCOLATE COWBOY HATS THAT MEN CAN BUY FOR THEIR PENISES?
I found them. Thank God. Now I'm gonna have to take a Xanax for the panic attack I almost had trying to find my Xanax.
I have to estimate how long it takes them to get to the bedroom so that I can sneak out of my room and get snacks. If she's anything like me, they're in bed the second he gets here and I can get snacks now
He’s 21. The president of his frat. I’m 28 and have a career!
Do it. It’s a noble position.
It's like his penis moved in and did some interior decorating without telling me first...
Vocabulary what?!? Shakespeare is my bitch.
Randomize
